Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution
Disputes, conflict resolution, disagreements, poor communication, conflict management, anger management.
I can help you deal with these issues, ideally before they get out of hand and perhaps into the legal system. (I do not give any kind of legal advice). I am especially good at conflict resolution and relish the challenge of ‘smoothing troubled waters’.
Interesting, unexpected experience when helping client with mediation
Here is some basic advice….
Making use of active listening during arguments is the initial step you are able to use to mitigate issues and resolve any difficulties which have arisen. Recognise, however, that whenever individuals feel strongly about a situation, their emotions will certainly influence their capability of thinking and listening. It is critical therefore to make use of a mixture of active and reflective listening skills. To help you; here are five methods you can use to defuse conflicts and make communication more effective:
- Condemn the behavior or issue, not the person. By addressing the problem or the conduct, you avoid targeting the other person. If you’re “arguing” with your teenager regarding a curfew, focus on the issue of the curfew or to the behavior of ignoring curfew. Do not trawl up all the past faults or chastise him or her as an “outrageous kid who cannot do anything properly.” That’s attacking the person. It can harm self-esteem and will create barriers. Listen carefully to what he/she has to discuss and keep him or her on track if wandering from the concern. Persist with active listening even if the other person doesn’t. Your liberality with active listening will assist in soothing a potentially damaging situation.
- Understand that each individual has worth. It is almost impossible to engage in active or reflective listening if you dismiss the speaker as inferior or unimportant. It’s not necessary to agree with him, but it’s important that you defer to his right to an alternative opinion and recognize his feeling of value. Find something that the two of you have in common. Try to appreciate what the other person is saying and why he feels a particular way.
- Sidestep absolutes – right/wrong, bad/good. Statements like “you always” or “you never” are absolutes which hinder communication. An active listener will sense these right away and counter with a comment such as, “I hear you saying I always do such and so, but actually I…” The same is true of statements that indicate right/wrong or bad/good. This does not mean that there aren’t situations that are right or wrong, bad or good, but in a dispute most right/wrong or bad/ good situations are merely exaggerations and the truth is somewhere in between. All-encompassing simplifications polarize a conflict. The focus then is not on solving the issue taking place, but rather the main focus becomes each party effectively defending their personal position.
- Convey “I feel” messages instead of “you” messages. For example, when you say, “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” you are sending a “you” message. An “I” message would be, “I don’t understand what you’re discussing.” The “you” message lays culpability on the speaker. The “I” message clarifies your apprehension. The same is true with your teen. An “I” message would be, “I worry about you when you aren’t home by your curfew,” or “When you come beyond your curfew, I feel like you are intentionally flouting my rules.” The “I” message tells the other person how you feel about a position. The “I” message is concerned with the issue. The “you” messages tend to irritate the other person.
- Activate your thinking and guard against your emotions. This is perhaps the most difficult of the five techniques since verbal discord by nature is emotional. The eventual objective is to transform the verbal conflict into a dialogue. Verbal rows are counterproductive in conducting business and certainly don’t cultivate a harmonious home life. Instead of letting your emotions take over, ask yourself, “How can I help resolve this problem? What resolution is paramount for both of us? What can we modify?” You need to rein in your emotions for the sake of the issue. Listen energetically and non-judgmentally.
